Sigh... Here in the UK, eugh, I can't do it. I felt my mood drop by about 72 awesomeness points just thinking about joining in this conversation!
Have fun tracking down real phone numbers for the depots, too - and don't forget to publish them online for everyone else to see if you're lucky enough to get 'em
My local UPS manager called me and gave me the direct phone number so I could call and straighten out any issues without going thru the horrible chain of command. We live in a medium size city, and a friendly one as well. I have had virtually no issues with the 4,000 parcels a year I've shipped. I'm now experimenting with Fulfilled by Amazon, I just sent several boxes of product to three Amazon Depots and they take care of everything(at a price).
I have a monopoly on my product, except that I do have some wholesale customers, so there is no competition on Amazon selling anything like it. I have it custom made in China for me. By the time Amazon extracts their fees, I only get 20% more than my wholesale price though.