stick was always rubbing up on my clothes and inadvertently setting my AF points weird as it bounced around during a shoot
True. I've never had a camera with a joystick (hey, im 13) but when going over all the specs and looking at the images, I saw that canon had made some adjustments. They finally figured it out!
EOS 70D (gripped), Rebel T3, EF-S 10-18mm f/4.5-5.6 IS STM, EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS STM, EF-S 55-250mm f/4-5.6, EF 50mm f/1.8, 430EX II, Nikon EL 2, Assorted Nikkor primes