Okay, and here's my serious response...
If you're concerned about having your strap cut, you could go with one of the several brands (e.g. Sun Sniper) that offer straps with steel cables running through. Apply common sense and an awareness of your surroundings - a common method of pickpocketing DSLR users is to detach the lens from the camera if it's hanging from your strap at your side/back. You can prevent this by keeping a hand on your lens when it's at your side. Avoid the 'tourist look' i.e. camera hanging around your neck touching your belly with "Canon 5D Mark II" written in big letters on the strap. Ditch the branded strap and go for something less conspicuous (I'm a fan of the BlackRapid RS-4 - not really for the reasons I just mentioned but for comfort and practicality). If you're carrying a tripod you look more familiar with the area and more professional, too.
For the record, please don't cover your equipment in petroleum jelly.
Thanks for your input. Hadn't thought of the 'lens detachment' method of stealing yet. Good to realise that possibility.
I had already heard of the Sun-sniper straps, they seem nice (even if not for the cutting risk itself, it's a useful thing to have with a heavy camera).
Another useful thing could be to use a camera bag that doesn't look like one, to not draw attention. Of course, that only helps when you're not shooting.