All my sympathy, There are never the right words to express the sadness, the anger, the frustration.
Two weeks ago, Today, I was in the same situation...Time makes it easier, but it doesn't take away the sadness, the loss, the anger.
I still ask, "Why me, what did I ever do".
I still apologise to my baby for not doing enough ( even though I know it was outside of my control).
Grieve in your own way, find whatever it is that brings you peace..