I'm happy to hear that you guys are enjoying some of my humor from last week - sometimes you just have to have fun!
Definitely crying out for some 'Poppy's sloppy' and 'they're real and they're spectacular!' references in this thread
Per your request (and a bonus):The Old Man
- he shoots with the forgotten EOS-1D because his new 1DX was stolen the Van Buren Boys. He had an antique Kwanon, but it was also stolen, but some "street tuffs" wearing AIDS ribbons. He got into an argument with a CR member over the DR and low noise superiority of Sony sensors. He left, saying, Life is too short to waste on DxO Mark Results." He recently posted some shots from his new Zeiss Otus lens, and after being accused of fake results and oversharpening, he declared that they were, "Real and spectacular!"The Heiress
- she can afford any gear she wants, but shoots with the EOS-M because there are no pockets in her Gatsby Swingtop. Her looks could stop traffic, but after working with the Hipster Doofus on an embarrassing Christmas card, she prefers to stay behind the camera. Her sensor became dusty, but she just bought a new body, saying that the old one wasn't "sponge-worthy". She was last seen in her house in the Hamptons, lounging in her solarium and taking pictures of her two horses, Snoopy and Prickly Pete.The Loser
- he lusts over the latest gear, but shoots with a silver T3. He had a short-lived modelling career but after his topless shots turned on the wrong "team", not that there's anything wrong with that, he tried more modest hand modelling. He was not "master of his domain", however, and his deformed hands now require him to have cub scouts push the shutter button. He tried to shoot a Frolf with Pentax, but it didn't take.
Future plans include a photo book on Portuguese waitresses.